How To Cope When Your Child Leaves Home

“Hello and Welcome to Episode 48 of ‘Tuesday Choose Day’, your inspirational weekly post.

My aim here is to inspire you to feel more positive and more confident within yourself so you can cope better, overcome anxiety and create the change you want to happen in your life.”  I’m offering you here empowering strategies to help you to take control, feel better and feel good!

 

Today’s Inspiration To Brighten Your Day…

 

Are you busy helping your son or daughter to pack themselves off to uni around this time? Maybe you are helping them to re-locate to live and work away from the family home?  This transition is both daunting and exciting for your children.  For you as the parent however, it can be an extremely emotional time, as you cope with buried anxiety and sadness.
 


 

From when your child is growing within your womb, to the time they are ready to fly the nest, it can feel that life is no longer your own.  You are a mum and your identity wholeheartedly takes on this role.  You’ve learned to cope with all the sacrifice and worry that it entails.  (We both know that you wouldn’t have it any other way because the memories of pure love and joy are so worth it, aren’t they?!)  Your focus became pretty much all about them and keeping their needs met as a priority.  You know? Clean and well fitting clothes, good food, bedtime routines, homework, after school clubs and activities, birthday parties, helping with friendship worries and other advice, heartache, making sure free time is entertaining and not boring… The giving goes on!

So what do you do and how do you cope when one day, they are ready and excited to fly?

Your whole role as their mum is not over.  It’s just changing.  The simple truth is your child needs you as much now flying solo as they did before, just in a different way.

Prolonged distance between you and your child can be hard to get used to, when you’ve had them so close for so long.  I have experienced this myself and learned to cope with these feelings.  I have helped many other mums too.

Thankfully these days, there are technologies of Skype and Facetime video calls, texts and instant messaging.  These give you quick and simple ways to continue to share special moments as they happen, just as if your child is still with you at home.

Letting your child fly free can feel like a trauma which is similar to grieving, for a parent.  It can feel like life just stops and it can be difficult to function because the dynamic of your life and your identity is changing.

How To Find Peace In Letting Them Fly…

I’d like to share with you here how you can ease yourself through this period of grieving for a life stage that is now over using a visualization technique to re-frame the loss and anxiety you may be feeling.  This simple visualization will help to strengthen a comforting bond across the miles.

With physical distance, it might feel as if the connection is lost, that they are no longer bound to you as they once were.  Latching onto this idea can create trauma and feel very much like an actual physical loss.

Here’s My Step by Step To Help You Cope Better…

Instead, use this visualization to deepen and extend your bond with your child no matter where they are:

  • Take a deep breath down to your tummy, in through your nose and as you exhale through your mouth, just let your eyes close.
  • I just want you to remember when your child was growing within your womb, all those years ago. Remember how they would move and even kick as they were nourished by your body; and how they grew to fit tightly in that space inside. Picture them joined to you by the umbilical cord.  Whilst this cord is cut at birth, to the subconscious, this connection is still there, just no longer visible.
  • Hold on to this idea and imagine your child growing up through the years, learning to walk, and talk and do all kinds of things, still with that invisible cord joining you.  Imagine it reeling itself in, as you play together, and snuggle and read or watch TV together.

Feel Your Child With You Now In the Present…

  • Now see your child all grown up.  Notice in your mind’s eye, how thick and strong that cord has become.  Your bond of love has deepened and strengthened over time, through sharing discipline and support.
  • Be with them now in this moment in your imagination. Look deep into their eyes and feel that bond and connection just now.  Be aware of the cord still subconsciously attached from you to them.  As you let them go with your love and your blessing to fly high, imagine the cord lengthening and extending out, as they travel across miles and reach their new place to live, however far that might be.
  • Hold onto this picture in your mind. Tell yourself that no matter where they are, you are still connected.  Your unconditional love continues to be the life blood that flows between you.
  • Create a picture in your mind of them safe, happy and confident, trusting that they feel your love with them. The strong bond in that cord continues; you both just have more space to grow independently now.

Share this simple visualization with your child to help them to feel that you are there, at times when they miss you.  They are getting used to the idea of independence and learning to cope for themselves too.

Let me know how this helps you.

With love and light x

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From the Wobbles and Worries Mailbox…Anxiety Help Bournemouth

 

If you’d like my advice with your particular wobble or worry, simply click on the link here

You can read through a selection of previously answered questions here too.

 

 

 

 

Lisa Skeffington, Anxiety Expert – Anxiety Help Bournemouth

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