“Hello and Welcome to Episode 43 of ‘Tuesday Choose Day’, your inspirational weekly post.
My aim here is to inspire you to feel more positive and more confident within yourself so you can find your way to overcome anxiety and create the change you want to happen in your life.” I’m offering you here every Tuesday straight to your inbox empowering strategies to help you to take control, feel better and feel good!
Today’s Inspiration To Brighten Your Day…
We all need people in some way in our lives. We are beings of love and it is the most natural thing for us to reach out and love others and to want to be liked and loved in return.
Your life feels richer when you experience connection with friends and family. When you surround yourself with people who don’t judge you and who love you for who you are, you grow to feel comfortable being yourself. Friends and family can be a real blessing that enriches your life in a supportive and loving way.
But what about those times when relationships don’t work? When we feel bullied or manipulated?
You don’t get to choose the family you are born into and it might perhaps feel unacceptable for you at times to live with a certain relative’s behaviour and their demands on you. Equally, friendships can deteriorate due to insecurities arising as a result of a change in circumstance for one of you.
If you feel on edge around a certain friend or family member, it might be time to ask yourself some questions to help you to make sense of your relationship with that person. This will help you to glean what is really going on and what you can do to help yourself.
Is your friend or relative reeling you into their drama by creating drama in her life and in yours? It may be that any time you confront her about anything, she deflects the direct confrontation by going into meltdown. This creates a huge argument and she feels hugely offended by you? My guess is you are left feeling frustrated, misunderstood and still not having resolved the issue.
Perhaps you feel manipulated by this person which means that you feel you can’t say no? They may use many tricks in the book – tears, fears, or just push your buttons if they know you well enough to know what works. This is a seemingly clever tactic for them to get their own way, to not compromise or give in to your needs. It keeps them at the centre of attention and getting what they are believing they need so desperately.
The base line here is… if you feel uncomfortable, or embarrassed, or drained by this person, you are caught in a toxic and unhealthy relationship with them. You need to take steps to safeguard your self-esteem and your wellbeing. Powerlessness creates anxiety.
What Can You Do To Help Yourself Break Free From The Clutches of a Bully and Hold onto Your Self-Esteem?
The best way is always to speak up about it to people you can trust.
Bullies thrive on secrecy.
Talking it through allows you to get some objective points of view so that you may start to question if the behaviour is in fact normal and acceptable, or not. It will create some space for you to check in with yourself and get clear on what you are prepared to tolerate and what behaviour is absolutely unacceptable.
Once you have gained some objectivity…
Find a means of communication between you, either written or face to face and make it clear that you will not tolerate that behaviour. Re-set the boundaries of your relationship and friendship.
It may be that the person is actually unaware of the extent of their behaviour or the impact on you it has. Once you have made it clear how you feel, you may choose to give this person a chance to modify their actions.
The reality is you cannot force someone to change their behaviour or to address for themselves, their underlying need in behaving that way. If the person is not willing to make a change, the only alternative is to create some distance between yourself and the relative or choose to find yourself a better friend.
Get help to learn how to respect yourself enough.
Take steps so that it feels totally unacceptable for anyone to dull your sparkle. Nurture your self-esteem and learn to give yourself permission to shine. When you do this, your energy lifts and you will no longer attract people who need to overpower you so that they feel less insecure.
Let me know how you get on. I’d love to hear how this helps you.
With love and light x
Do you feel powerless, anxious and overwhelmed to make change happen in your life? I’d like to offer you an immediate opportunity to take a break from your stresses and anxieties. CLICK TO DOWNLOAD my FREE De-Stress Audio.
From the Wobbles and Worries Mailbox…
If you’d like my advice with your particular wobble or worry, simply click on the link here
You can read through a selection of previously answered questions here too.
Lisa Skeffington, Anxiety Expert – Anxiety Help Bournemouth