“Hello and Welcome to Episode 21 of ‘Tuesday Choose Day’, my inspirational weekly post.
My aim here is to inspire you to feel more positive and more confident within yourself to create the change you want to happen in your life.” I’m offering you here empowering strategies to help you to take control, feel better and feel good every Tuesday straight to your inbox.
Today’s Inspiration To Brighten Your Day…
If you want your life to be different and better in some way, you have do something different. Einstein famously said ‘the definition of insanity is doing something over again and expecting a different result’. It’s normal not to like change; to want to stay in what’s familiar – which is to stay inside your comfort zone. The problem is you don’t grow there, you simply stay the same and if life moves on around you (as it does), before you know it, you get left behind. Pretty soon that comfort zone can become a ‘safe comfort zone of discontent’.
Maybe you feel bored, unfulfilled, irritated? Perhaps you’re fed with feeling that life is passing you by? Many clients describe it this way. Anxiety often results in that conflict between frustration and a perception of powerlessness. It’s like you want it, but it seems too scary to be possible, so at the same time you keep on telling yourself you don’t really!
It’s limiting beliefs that keep you in that familiar discontent. These limiting beliefs stop you from trying something new. This year why not challenge yourself to give something new a try?
Stretch yourself and challenge whatever thought keeps dragging you back. When that doubt or negative critical thought comes up, don’t fight it – acknowledge it so you bring it fully into your awareness and you realise what you say to yourself that keeps you shrinking you back inside that comfort zone. When you choose to dismiss it, you also dismiss it’s power over you. Focus instead on what you want for yourself – your goals and your dreams.
Set yourself a small challenge to grow your confidence every day. It might not seem like it’s much on its own but like drops into a glass of water, cumulatively before you know it, you’ll have made an impact compared to when you began.
Challenging yourself in small steady steps means you give your comfort zone a chance to expand. In those times when you are stretching yourself, you will feel uncomfortable, and you might even feel afraid. It’s easy at this point, to self sabotage and jump back inside that self comfort zone of discontent. This is what you’ve mostly done until now, isn’t it?! So this time, decide to stand firm. Own your feelings. Very soon you begin to notice that it feels more comfortable being uncomfortable to that point where actually it doesn’t feel so uncomfortable any more and you have grown.
Keep on ‘keeping on’ with a positive focus on what you want to achieve for yourself. Visualise what you want and how you want to feel as if you already have it. When you do this, it creates a tension in the brain between where you are and where you want to be and the mind will naturally propel you towards the better state of feeling in the future. You can use the joy in where you’re headed to encourage you and keep you focussed. Buckle up and get ready to travel into new territory; it might get a bit bumpy now and again, but you will be on your way.
Get ready to grow. Take action and enjoy the ride!
Until next time
With love and light
Do you feel powerless, anxious and overwhelmed to make change happen in your life? I’d like to offer you an immediate opportunity to take a break from your stresses and anxieties. CLICK TO DOWNLOAD my FREE De-Stress Audio.
From the Wobbles and Worries Mailbox…
“When my six year son was just a baby, I split with his dad. I recently re-married and my new husband is generally very loving and caring towards me and my son. At first my son seemed happy with his new ‘daddy’ and they seemed to get close but lately my son has become very difficult and defiant with him and causing arguments between us when they can’t get along.
I’m feeling distant and resenting my son causing these problems for me now that we have a chance of being a happy family but at the same time, I feel guilty that I am pushing my son away so I don’t upset things with my husband. Please help me to make sense of my feelings so that I don’t spoil our chance to be happy.
A summary of my advice…
Since your son was a baby he didn’t have to share you with anyone but now you are re-married he is likely to be feeling insecure in the wider spread of your affections. He is little and isn’t deliberately trying to hurt or antagonise your husband. He’s just demonstrating his frustration as he adjusts to the change. Clear rules and boundaries along with warmth and understanding both from you and from his stepdad is exactly what he needs right now. Give him time to get used to things and lots of love, attention, praise and affection and he will become more accepting of the situation. It’s vital that you and your husband appear united in setting boundaries, at least in front of your son. If his actions cause you to argue, he may spot a means to attempt to secure your sole affection once again.
You say that you are being distant to your son and feeling guilty about that. I wonder are you perhaps finding it more of a challenge than you anticipated to divide your time and affection in wanting your new marriage to thrive and dealing with the demands of a six year old boy? Be gentle with yourself as you adjust to the new situation too. Talk to your husband about your feelings and try to develop some friendship and support with other young families, which will help you to keep perspective on the challenges of growing boys.
I hope this helps!
If you’d like my advice with your particular wobble or worry, simply click on the link here
Lisa Skeffington, Anxiety Expert – Anxiety Help Bournemouth