“Hello and Welcome to Episode 11 of ‘Tuesday Choose Day’, my new inspirational weekly post.
My aim here is to inspire you to feel more positive and more confident within yourself to create the change you want to happen in your life.” I’m offering you here a healthy dose of positivity and fun every Tuesday straight to your inbox.
Today’s Inspiration To Brighten Your Day…
When you were born, you were overflowing with confidence and self-love. You totally believed that you deserved attention and adoration and you screamed and demanded that your needs were met. Over time, other people found it difficult to meet your demands and your needs and, due to their own inadequacies and insecurities, they began to criticise, withhold affection and attention and maybe they even hurt you. They may not have realised the damaging affects of their actions, but gradually you may have begun to withdraw, to protect yourself. Human nature means we are naturally egocentric and always assume that there is something wrong with us or that we did something wrong or bad. Maybe this happened to you and you began to doubt yourself and to hide a part of you away because it felt safer that way…
Living life with low confidence means you hold yourself back and you stop yourself from participating fully in life so you don’t feel fulfilled. It can feel safer and easier to just peek out from behind the curtain now and again. Wouldn’t you secretly rather draw back that curtain, hear the drum roll or the orchestra play and walk confidently and self-assured onto the stage of your life?
If this is true for you, as it was once for me, here’s what helped me and I hope it does the same for you.
- Your thoughts, feelings and behaviour are inextricably linked so, by changing your posture and your body language, you can help yourself to feel and think more confidently. Walk tall, keep your head up and smile. With open gestures, eye contact and an upright stance, you will lift your energy, you’ll come across as more confident and it will help to actually grow your confidence too.
- Take pride in your appearance – in your dress, your hair, your nails and your shoes. When you go out to any social event or important work meeting, make sure your clothes and shoes fit properly so that you feel comfortable and not worried about your top gaping or your tummy bulging! When you feel good about your self-image, you’ll naturally feel more confident and comfortable being noticed.
- Slow your speech. Do you ever babble on when you’re not feeling confident? When you slow your speech, you can breathe more easily and get clear on what you want to say. Because you are speaking more slowly, other people will understand you and will listen more intently. This will in turn help you to feel listened to and that what you are saying is of value, which will boost your confidence and help you to relax.
- Watch your self talk. Practice catching and cancelling any negative self-criticism or negative perspective on your day. Immediately flip it around to a lighter opposite perspective, decide to look on the positive side and be kind to yourself. Be enthusiastic to find solutions instead of dwelling on any problem.
- Compliment yourself and you’ll soon be feeling comfortable to accept compliments from others. Give yourself permission to notice what you do right, to acknowledge the positive qualities you hold that enrich the daily lives of others. Create a list of affirmations (positive statements that begin with I AM) which evidence these things. Remind yourself often and you will help yourself to feel better about yourself and you will like yourself more and boost your self esteem.
- Take stock of who you spend your time with. Who do you listen to? Who influences you? Consider your friends and family. Create space for yourself either temporarily or permanently from those people in your life who put you down, deflate you, criticise and generally make you feel bad about yourself. Choose to spend your time with people who boost your energy and your mood, who support and encourage you emotionally.
- Set yourself small achievable goals every day. Choose to support and encourage yourself to achieve these goals in baby steps and acknowledge the progress you make.
Your confidence is there within you hidden from view and locked within you…and these strategies will help you to shine a light on your confidence and to set yourself free to enjoy more fun this party season. It won’t happen overnight, but if you trust yourself and ‘keep on keeping on’ every day, you will get there. I did and so can you.
Until next time
With love and light x
Do you feel powerless, anxious and overwhelmed to make change happen in your life? I’d like to offer you an immediate opportunity to take a break from your stresses and anxieties. CLICK TO DOWNLOAD my FREE De-Stress Audio.
From the Wobbles and Worries Mailbox…
“I’m really struggling to keep a relationship going with my mother. She has always been super critical of other people, she constantly over reacts and always wants to control everything.
She’s always falling out and not speaking to someone in our family and especially me or one of my two sisters. My sisters agree with me but every time we try to discuss these fallings out with her, she gets very defensive and attacking and it just sparks another row. We all love our dad very much and don’t want to not see him but the tension with our mother is making contact with them unbearable. How can I get my mother to change her behaviour?
A summary of my advice…
I can understand that you would feel relieved to not see your mum for a while but this would mean that you won’t see your dad and that is important to you. You could perhaps see your dad on his own sometimes to avoid the friction so long as he can agree with your mum so that it doesn’t cause problems for him. Explain to your dad that you love him dearly and that you really want to spend time with him but that it’s all getting to much with your mum right now. He will feel loved and wanted and may even feel he is able to talk to his wife. After so many years together he may well be able to get to her to understand. Might you perhaps develop a shared interest with your dad that would not interest your mum?
Another approach is for you to see your mum on your terms only. This will help you to gain a sense of control in the situation. Decide when it suits you and how long you will stay. Meeting outside of the family home is a good idea because she will feel most powerful in her home environment. If you expect her to behave terribly and you have a set time frame in mind, you will be able to keep your cool and not react so emotionally. You can choose to focus your attention on your dad as much as you can and just respond politely to your mum. Do be mindful that your mum may react badly at first. She will not be getting the same reaction from you and will therefore feel less in control of things. This may provoke her to try to upset you in order to re-gain her power over you.
I suspect her criticisms are judgements due to her low self esteem. Have you considered that she might feel in need of love and attention that perhaps you all shower on your dad and being overdramatic is a way for her to get some attention for herself? Without doubt her need to control suggests she feels insecure in some way. Keep visits short so that you remain calm. Give it time and your mum will realise that she needs to be more pleasant to get your attention.
If you’d like my advice with your particular wobble or worry, simply click on the link here
Lisa Skeffington, Anxiety Expert – Anxiety Help Bournemouth