“Hello and Welcome to Episode 20 of ‘Tuesday Choose Day’, my inspirational weekly post.
My aim here is to inspire you to feel more positive and more confident within yourself to end stress and create the change you want to happen in your life. I’m offering you here a healthy dose of positivity and fun every Tuesday straight to your inbox.
Today’s Inspiration To Brighten Your Day…
In the last episode I shared with you my thoughts on how to end stress and take control of now. As I promised, here are my specific snippets of advice to help you to live more in the moment.
- Don’t get hung up on how you are doing something. You probably learned as a child that to get good at something you have to really try at it so that you make sure you get it just right, but the truth is this just creates unnecessary stress on yourself ‘to get it right’ and anxiety in what people might think of you if it goes wrong. Instead, ‘let go’ and allow yourself to just ‘be’ in the moment of doing it, to flow with whatever you are doing. Ironically when you relax with it, you’ll be less likely to make a mistake and do a better job overall.
- Do one thing at a time and do that one thing slowly and deliberately. This will reduce stress and increase your appreciation and enjoyment in that moment.
- Don’t cram stuff into your day. Do less and give yourself time to absorb what you are doing more fully. Don’t book appointments or meetings back to back, give yourself a breather in between times.
- When you are talking to someone, whether it’s your partner, your kids, your colleague or your friend, be present with them. Pay attention just to them and to what they are saying with no interruption.
- Be firm with yourself and only acknowledge thoughts relating to the present time. Dismiss any past or future related thoughts which create stress for you. Keep bringing your attention back to the present moment.
- Allow yourself to become so absorbed in what you are doing that you lose yourself in the flow of that moment and just let time pass by. Have you ever had the experience of losing track of time? Do that more often. As your attention narrows you become less aware of others and of yourself, which means you naturally become more confident and less self conscious in the moment too!
- Most importantly, find the fun in your day today. Embrace it in the simplest of ways. Be bold and let yourself go.
Let me know how it helps.
Until next time
With love and light x
Do you feel powerless, anxious and overwhelmed to make change happen in your life? I’d like to offer you an immediate opportunity to take a break from your stresses and anxieties. CLICK TO DOWNLOAD my FREE De-Stress Audio.
From the Wobbles and Worries Mailbox…
“My husband spends so much time on his computer and seems to have no interest in me at all. It has been going on for some time and a few years ago I said I wanted to split. He was very upset and said he didn’t want to lose me so we carried on.
I still felt lonely and two years ago I ended up having a brief affair. My husband had me followed and found out. Again he was so upset and I felt so guilty that I stayed for the children’s sake – they are nine and eleven now. It feels like my husband is punishing me still by being distant and uncaring. On the surface we seem like a normal family, but I am so lonely and unhappy inside.
A summary of my advice…
It sounds very much like the two of you are not being open with each other and that you are caught up in a torturous version of normality, which is painful on both sides. There seems to be lots of unspoken emotion which is creating stress. Children are very perceptive and will have noticed the distance between you both. To stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children does them no favours. It creates silent insecurity and a warped view of relationships.
You have been feeling unloved and lonely in your marriage for a long time and that is why you wanted to split initially. The later affair was simply telling you that your emotional needs were still not being met by your husband. Did the affair represent the closeness you needed in your marriage but did not get? I wonder do you still feel sexually attracted to your husband?
You say that you are lonely and unhappy ‘inside’. It does not serve you to hide your feelings. If you want the dynamic of your marriage to have a chance of changing, you will need to break the charade of normality and make it clear to your husband that you feel this way and that you want to be closer to him. Your husband in turn needs to process his hurt and to understand his reasons for shutting his affections away.
Your husband was upset when you wanted to leave the marriage and again when you had the affair. Add to that the fact that he had you followed and, this all suggests he cares deeply for you even though he is choosing not to show you. He is still hurting over the affair and if he senses you need love from him, he may be withholding love and attention from you to get even. He is behaving this way ironically because he likely loves you very much and needs love from you in return but is finding it difficult to deal with his emotions.
Perhaps you could suggest a plan to begin to spend more time together, with options for dates night in and out. Work on cultivating some common interests to bring you closer. If you tell him clearly that you both don’t seem happy and that you want to make things different and better between you, it is up to him to then meet you in the middle. If he is still unwilling to meet to you halfway, it is questionable if he really wants to save the relationship and you may have to reconsider your options to find your own way to a more a emotionally fulfilling life for you.
If either of you need any further support in working through your emotions, I’m right here.
If you’d like my advice with your particular wobble or worry, simply click on the link here
Lisa Skeffington, Anxiety Expert – Anxiety Help Bournemouth