A simple way to feed high self-esteem and keep anxiety at bay is to work on your integrity.
Have you ever said you’ll do something but then gone back on your word? It’s not a great feeling to let other people down, is it?… What’s more, it feels even worse when you let yourself down, doesn’t it?
My understanding of a person with integrity is that they consistently keep to their word; they do what they say they will, and they remain true to themselves in the process.
If you are reading this, chances are you want to learn how to feel more calm and relaxed in your daily living, so I want you to trust me on this theory. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I’m guessing you are likely to be super sensitive to others’ feelings? I’m guessing that you try your hardest to ‘please’ because feeling accepted by others means a lot to you. It feels horrid to let people down.
It feeds anxiety when you worry what others think of you because you let them down
Perhaps you worry that they will think you’re flaky and unreliable, or maybe even that they won’t trust you anymore. They might even decide you’re not a great friend, that you are self-absorbed or even a bit fickle? Clearly, for everyone, doing what we say we will do is important in order to keep friendships and relationships strong – without trust and reliability friendships quickly wither.
I wonder how many times though you overlook the impact of letting yourself down, only because you are hell-bent on pleasing others?
Let’s take this idea of letting others down and turn it on yourself…
When you make a promise to yourself that you will do something – like perhaps getting something fixed that is broken, making a phone call, or keeping to an arrangement with a friend – and then you don’t follow through, you not only disappoint them, but you also create a doubt deep within yourself that you’re someone not to be trusted nor relied upon.
Having high self-esteem means that you like and respect who you are and how you show up in your world.
Where there is anxiety there is fear
This means that in some way there is insecurity because there is a lack of trust that things will be ok. However, when you trust deep inside that you can depend on yourself to see you through, no matter what life chucks at you, only then will you feel secure with a true sense of inner safety. It took me a very long time to find this feeling for myself – and not in fact before I turned 40! – I’m 55 now.
Time and again, clients have recognised that when trust within themselves has been continually broken due to a lack of integrity, they don’t trust or respect themselves all that much. When there is a lack of trust, there is always fear. I have helped a number of clients over the years to grasp this truth and when they get it and really grow trust within themselves, the results are astounding.
So, it makes sense, doesn’t it? One of the quickest ways to calm anxiety is to prove to yourself that you can depend on YOU to keep your word to yourself, as well as to others.
Here are some suggestions for how you might make a start today…
- Make a list of all the stuff you need to finish, but which you never seem to get around to doing.
- Renew a commitment to your goals – short term and long term and make sure that they are achievable and realistic.
- Do away with excuses and quit blaming others. Take responsibility instead.
- Be honest and start to hold yourself fully accountable for your part in things not getting done and agreements not being kept.
- Create an action plan. Write it down.
- Chunk your plan into small motivating steps. Take it one day at a time and if you feel overwhelmed, break it down further into smaller tasks.
- With every task or promise you deliver on, acknowledge it to yourself. Do this and you will be on your way towards high self-esteem and you’ll begin to feel proud of who you are.
Why give your power away by seeking to please others so that you feel secure when you can create it from within for yourself?
If you follow my advice today, you’ll soon notice that anxiety will ease and you’ll be feeling more safe and relaxed in your life, just like the many clients who have tested this theory for themselves.
If you need my help in any way, as always – I’m here.
Warmly,
Lisa Skeffington
Anxiety Expert – Anxiety Help Bournemouth & Christchurch, UK
Support Nationally and Internationally In-Person and Online