“Hello and Welcome to Episode 14 of ‘Tuesday Choose Day’, my inspirational weekly post.
My aim here is to inspire you to feel more positive and more confident within yourself to reduce stress and create the change you may want to happen in your life.” I’m offering you here a healthy dose of positivity and fun every Tuesday straight to your inbox.
Today’s Inspiration To Brighten Your Day…
Christmas is a time for giving…. but what about the gifts we don’t want? The gifts we pretend we do, just to make others feel good; gifts that leave us feeling deflated and frustrated. We believe that we daren’t speak up, for a whole bunch of politically correct reasons. So we take the gift and we swallow and, we smile. Maybe we take an extra glass of bubbly to help the day swim along a little easier…
How much more do you suppose you might enjoy your Christmastime if you knew you really didn’t have to accept those gifts, and, even better, you didn’t have to make a scene or upset Auntie Mary? You know, gifts don’t always come wrapped in Christmas paper with a pretty bow. Gifts of thought and feeling are unseen to the eye, but we receive them deeply nonetheless.
Personally, it helped me to learn some years ago the story of a wise holy man, who said “If someone gives you a gift and you don’t take the gift, whose gift does it become?” Just imagine, saying inside “no thank you.” You are free to choose whether to accept or decline. So next time someone offers you a gift of their insecurity, of the stress in their day, of their hostility, perhaps you will remember the words of the wise holy man, and choose not to accept, not to allow your energy and spirit to be dampened by someone’s else need to make themselves feel better at your expense this Christmas.
Here’s a strategy to help protect yourself from those unwanted gifts…
An easy to use NLP mind tool is to imagine a strong transparent force-field around you, like a bubble or a 360 degree shield. You don’t have to see it; you can just sense it’s there. Imagine someone’s negativity or ‘put downs’ firing in your direction and imagine how the shield easily deflects them. Maybe they evaporate as they hit the shield, maybe they boomerang back. You can get really creative in how you choose to see and sense this. Maybe you have already created this in your mind as you are reading and if so, perhaps you feel a little more empowered knowing that no-one can disturb your calm unless you choose to let them through. Now there’s a gift worth having….
Until next time
With love and light x
Do you feel powerless, anxious and overwhelmed to make change happen in your life? I’d like to offer you an immediate opportunity to take a break from your stresses and anxieties. CLICK TO DOWNLOAD my FREE De-Stress Audio.
From the Wobbles and Worries Mailbox…
“My in-laws have a very chauvinistic and traditional marriage and celebrating Christmas with them drives me crazy as I am fiercely independent and believe that a woman’s role is not merely ‘to serve’.
We go to them every other year and I have always put up with it. The men sit and drink and chat whilst the women do all the preparation and clearing up. I don’t want to upset things with my husband and make things difficult with his parents as he adores them but the thought of another two days of servitude is unbearable. Should I say something and how?”
A summary of my advice…
It sounds a tricky situation for you. My best advice would be to talk to husband. Your being a strong independent woman will not have gone unnoticed by him so he is possibly guessing that you are struggling with his parents’ traditional way of doing Christmas. Focus on how you feel when you talk to him and be careful not to judge his parents. Ask him for his support. It may be that he could suggest a few changes in a casual way with his parents on your behalf to create a more balanced and enjoyably relaxing time for everyone. You said he adores his parents so I am guessing he feels close to them and them to him. They will likely listen to him because they will want him to be happy and if you are more comfortable then he will be happier.
Traditions help us to feel secure and families have their own way of doing things which can be hard to break when they have been that way for a long time. Equally it may be the case that the way your in-laws do Christmas is just what they know and your mum in-law especially may welcome some fresh ideas. Offer all suggestions for change in a loving non-critical way that highlights any benefits for everyone such as more together time.
Your in-laws may prefer to stick to the traditions they are comfortable with and if this is the case, it may be that you just have to grin and bear it and then show them how great a more balanced approach can be as you do it your way when they next come to you.
If you’d like my advice with your particular wobble or worry, simply click on the link here
Lisa Skeffington, Anxiety Expert – Anxiety Help Bournemouth