Have you ever agonized over making a phone call, meeting someone, sending an email or perhaps even writing a social media post? Do you maybe conduct a post-mortem of every social or professional encounter, worrying if you made the right impression?
If you struggle with anxiety, then you’ll know what I’m talking about.
When you’re not Yourself…
Do you try to behave in the right way to help yourself to ‘fit in’ more or to be the ‘right person?’ Not only does it create a false impression of who you are, but you also lose your naturalness. The irony is that it creates the very thing you are trying to avoid, because people instinctively pull back from you. You don’t come across as your true self and they detect a lack of honesty and transparency. You sense it from them immediately, don’t you? Then, you start to feel anxious asking yourself,
‘What did I do?’ ‘Why are they pulling away?’ ‘What’s wrong with me?’ ‘Why can’t I get this right?’
It can feel as if your self-talk is on steroids…
Perhaps you find that when you work hard at trying to ‘get it right’ in what you say and in what you do, you get caught up in over-analyzing? It can feel as if your self-talk is on steroids. The simple truth is that living as if you have something ‘to live up to’ can be a major factor in the levels of anxiety you experience. It can be just exhausting trying to impress everyone and have everyone like you or hire you!
It seems to me the best way to explain this idea of being yourself is to share it with you from my experience:
For myself, I am a rebel at heart. When it comes to helping my clients, I’ve never been great at being someone other than me. By this I mean conforming to some of the rigid guidelines and rules in how a therapist ‘should’ conduct therapy; no disclosure, no displays of emotion, no vulnerability. All these ‘shoulds’ scream ‘no connection’ don’t you think? We are all human and we all wobble at times. We are human and it is not always possible to meet all the demands and pressures that our present life requires. Sometimes we just need a hug actually or metaphorically. Doing or saying the supposed ‘right thing’ and staying disconnected, isn’t helpful. There’s no place in my consultation rooms for hierarchy or superiority.
You can relax when you are Yourself…
Don’t misunderstand me here. Whilst I am passionate about showing up with my clients as myself, I am very professional and respecting of my clients, with clear boundaries. What I mean is, my approach is much more friendly (dare I say ‘human’) and more relaxed than most. Wouldn’t you rather seek help from someone who gives a lot of her true self and who at the right time, shares her own vulnerabilities? Many clients often comment how they find this approach refreshing. It helps them to feel safe to, in turn, share their vulnerabilities, and to find their courage to confront issues. I have experienced great success in helping people to break free from anxiety and re-shape their lives, with my more ‘heart-centred’ consultancy approach.
For you, fitting into a box or a framework of boundaries by playing someone else, keeps you head-bound and missing vital moments to connect. Maybe you are already questioning for yourself? How might it benefit you and those you spend time with, to show up as yourself?
Do Yourself A Favour and Quit Pretending…
I used to be so hung up on what other people thought of me, personally and professionally. It was such a relief to grow to understand in my 40s, that people are so hung up on trying to make an impression themselves, they just need you to Be Yourself.
Have you ever considered that the people you pretend to, are pretending right back at you? Isn’t it time, you did yourself and them the favour of being honest?
Can you imagine how connecting it can be for someone to feel from you that they have your full permission to quit pretending and relax; to just be themselves? Anxiety just melts away.
Getting other people to trust you comes from honesty, not just towards them, but in being honest with yourself. You can take steps today to learn how to understand yourself and your own vulnerabilities, to love yourself and to trust yourself. When you do this you will find your courage to just BE YOURSELF and smash anxiety.
Oh, and to answer the question, ‘Who Cares?!’
I do. I’m here to help.
Recent client comment… “I have never experienced so much generous help in a professional person as I have with you. Support like that is from the heart and makes a massive impression when you are involved in very personal stuff. The sense of freedom growing in myself is unbelievable. I feel more alive and confident. You have well and truly exceeded my expectations.”
Do you feel powerless, anxious and overwhelmed to make change happen in your life? I’d like to offer you an immediate opportunity to take a break from your stresses and anxieties. CLICK TO DOWNLOAD my FREE De-Stress Audio